Birmingham poem WIP

At 2 o’clock my train arrived, and I walked to my hotel. An hour later and I was there, my feet hurting like hell. Quick check in and then down the pub Time to fit in a quick beer Then I get a call so I have to dash Cos Kerys just got here We started going with the lift But that didn’t go as plan You wouldn’t think a lift could confuse people But rest assured it can A quick trip down to sainsbury’s To top up on supplies We get the bevies flowing And meet up with all the guys[and girls ] Its not that long till riana arrives And were soon back down the pub 2 johns smiths and a couple of shots And weve all forgotten grub So its back to the hotel to get changed So we can start the fun Soon twisters out and the rooms filled up Getting views of bockers bum Wetherspoons is really packed by now Its been swamped by islandoo So its time to really get in the jars And have a shot or two

Weird world of Jigplums

Once when i was a wee lad of around 8 years of age, me and my brother were at a family bonfire/fireworks things. My brother used to be a right little shit and doing his darth vader inpression shoved a sparkler up my arse. Burnt right through my jeans and into the right cheek, i can still feel it now. Ended up sitting i a bath crying like a little bitch for hours :( In an unrelated incident he also imbedded a garden spade into my cousins head whilst trying to build a trap for frogs. I was in a compromising position once and a dog licked my Bum. Full toungage right between the cheeks. Damn That was strange. Psychological scarring: when i was very young my mum and dad used to call poo "nuts". "come on, do nuts in your potty" and all that jazz. Well anywho, one day i was eating some peanut my grandad gave me and when i asked what they were and he said nuts i spat them out all over him. To this day i cannot stand nuts.

Favourite stuff and things

TV and Film :Button Moon[eggberts rules], Lost, Battlestar Gallatica, Shipwrecked ;) The Goonies[chunk is awesome] Saving private ryan, Raising helen, The wedding crashers, Lotr, WEIRD SCIENCE Drink: DSP-double Black vodka/Peach snaps/blue curao coke mixer can be expensive unless you know the barstaff but does the job. Favourite Animal: HOney Badger-Natures terminator[look him up on the net if you have any doubts, the bastard would have steve irwin turning in his grave].

Freaky Hobbies and ambitions

Live action Roleplay[dressing up and hitting people with latex swords] You might be able to catch a glimpse of me on here :) Ambitions: To be a writer, and get a book published, most likely Fantasy-Fiction. Although this isn't an ambition i once ate 60 jaffa cakes in an hour. ate about 40 in the first 10 minutes and then things got difficult. Doesn't sound that bad, one a minute but trust me its ALOT harder than you'd think http://www.thelions.org.uk/tw/tiki-browse_gallery.php?galleryId=31

Why i wanna be Shipwrecked

I wanna be a hunter gatherer who spears fish and catches crabs ;). I wanna lie on the beach a not care whats going on in the world. I wanna run naked in a tropical rain storm[obviously after rubbing for a semi] and build a massive sand castle, like the ones you see kids dad's making at the beach when the kids has got bored and started throwing sand at each other. I've always loved the idea of being stranded on a Island. When i was Young the first books i read were Famous Five and my favourites were the ones where they wen't to the island and lived there. Anything like that in later years has always really captivated me, from the awesome film castaway [WILSON!!!!!] to more recently Lost. Books like lord of the flies, robinson crusoe. Even crappy films like the beach, there still elements that call to me.

Things I hate!!!!

I hate pointless celebrities like Chantel and Nikki that are so in love with themselves and that seem to think we care that they act like total Wankers. No-one does, so shut the fuck up. Eastenders acting, its absolutely aweful. Deal or No Deal WTF???? Daphne from eggheads Smug Bitch. The "MUFF" stage of a haircut. People who fan, just because they want a fan back. Jamie Cullum. Davina, god i wish someone would gag her. Worst of all, most hated of the moment. THE FROSTIES ADVERT KID!!!!

Hometown

ESSEX

Occupation

Mainly an unemployed bum at the moment :) but also ebay trader, minature painter http://s30.photobucket.com/albums/c322/jigplums/. I have been known to be paid to play Hide the brussell sprout, push people about in potato bins, Try to get the most or biggest items into someone trolly without them noticing, make animal noises and shout DOROTHY very loadly amoungst other things.

Relationship status

a hunky slab of man muscle like myself, what do u think?

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