Why u shud NEVER drink 7 - UP ♥ ♦ ♠ ♣

[1] Snow White was desperate for a fuck, She went to the woods to try her luck. She'd almost given up looking, When she saw some chimney smoke, Then she stumbled on the cottage, and went in for a poke. Her clothes came off in seconds. And she'd just removed her pants, When seven dwarfs came marching in, with a merry song and dance. Snow White just stood there speechless, and thought she was in heaven, originally after one good shag, But now she could have seven. Straight away she took command, "My fanny needs a lick!" And when one dwarf moved forward, She said "Oi-you'd better drop your pick" So down he went onto all fours, and said "I ain't licking that", "Not there, that is my arse-hole, You DOPEY little brat!" The next dwarf started blushing, "Do we have to do it here?" Snow White said "Don't be BASHFUL, Unless you're a fucking queer" So reluctantly he whipped it out, To prove he was no fool. And Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho". As she rode upon his tool. Now one dwarf wasn't smiling. Cos he hadn't had a sniff, and due to his impatience, He couldn't raise a stiff. "Relax, you GRUMPY bastard", So he did as he was told, And as soon as he was hard enough, He shot his fucking load. The next dwarf got a blow-job, And she took him deep quite easy, But she just avoided brain-damage, When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY. With three dwarfs left she turned and said, "You're next, I want your knob!" But no sooner than he had entered her, And he was sleeping on the job. "Wake up you SLEEPY bastard" She wanted more from him. And he woke with such excitement, that he filled her hairy quim. The next dwarf rammed his up her, and shagged her fanny raw, a dazed Snow White them whimpered. "That should be against the law." He made poor Snow White tremble, He was so big and thick. "No wonder you're so HAPPY, With that fucking great big prick" With one dwarf still remaining, But feeling rather sore, She said "You'll have to use your tongue, My twat can't take no more!" And so he put his tongue to work, Where others had placed their cocks, And 'cos he made Snow White feel better, She named the last dwarf DOC. Now Snow White couldn't do much, With all that cum inside her quim, So she grabbed a cup, and squatted, And filled it to the brim. So there's the truth about the dwarfs, and how they got their names, by satisfying Miss Snow White, and joining in her games. There's one more thing you need to know, And that's - What happened to that cup, Well think of what you're drinking, when you next buy 7-Up!!! [2] Two welshmen are out rounding up sheep when all of a sudden a ewe takes off and goes wild, runs into a fence and gets her head stuck. The two shepherds run over to the fence to get her out when one says to the other "Hey, boyo, this is too good an oppertunity to pass up." So he unzips his fly, yanks out his wang and fucks this ewe for about ten minutes. When he's finally finished he looks round to his mate and says, "That was bloody marvellous. D'you fancy a go?" "Bloody right i do!" grins his mate, as he drops his trousers and sticks his head through the fence!!!

Jokes! ♥ ♦ ♠ ♣

1] a man with two left feet went to the shoe shop coz he needed some new shoes, what did he come out with, only a pair of flip flips! lol 2] a man went into a chemist and said to the cashier i need 99 condoms, the cashier said 'FUCK ME' so the man said ok 100 then lol 3] Why did the lion get lost in the trees? coz jungle is massive lol 4] What did one eyeball say to the other? something between us smells! lol 5] What colour is a burp? Burple! lol 6] What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? There have been sightings of UFOs! lol 7] Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to drive to EuroDisney? She saw a sign saying: "EuroDisney Left!" so she went home! lol 8] A blonde was at a coke machine and kept putting coins in and getting cans, this continued for about an hour....eventually a line had formed...a man came up and asked 'could i get one?'.....she replied 'not now im winning'...lol

Word anagram's! ♥ ♦ ♠ ♣

1] Debit card: Bad Credit 2] Dormitory: Dirty Room 3] Clint Eastwood: Old West Action 4] Desperation: A Rope Ends It 5] Slot Machines: Cash Lost in'em 6] Conversation: Voices Rant On 7] Eleven plus two: Twelve plus one 8] A Decimal Point: I'm a Dot in Place 9] Mother-in-law: Woman Hitler 10] Elvis: Lives [11] Butterfly: Flutter by lol

All about ME! ♥ ♦ ♠ ♣

My Music: Kasabian, The Killers, Feeder, Oasis, James Morrison, Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse, Cypress Hill, Pendulum, Chemical Brothers, Massive Attack, Star Sailor, Snow Patrol, The Feeling, The Fray: How to save a life is Quality! My Films: The Truman Show, Set it off, Teenage mutant ninja Turtles, Transformers, Harry Potter, Final Destination, The Faculty, Lord of the Rings, Urban Legend, Casino, Scarface, Half Baked, Hook, Friday, All Johnny Depp films as i am slightly obsessed with the man: Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End (2007) Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) Tim Burton's Corpse Bride (voice) (2005) Charlie And The Chocolate Factory (2005) The Libertine (2004) Finding Neverland (2004) Secret Window (2004) King Of The Hill (TV series, one episode, voice) (2004) Ils Se Marierent Et Eurent Beaucoup D'Enfants (2004) Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003) Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) Lost In La Mancha (documentary) (2003) From Hell (2001) Blow (2001) Chocolat (2000) Before Night Falls (2000) The Man Who Cried (2000) Sleepy Hollow (1999) The Astronaut's Wife (1999) The 9th Gate (1999) The Source (1999) LA Without A Map (as himself, TV) (1998) Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas (1998) The Brave (1997) Donnie Brasco (1996) The Cannes Man (as himself) (1996) Dead Man (1995) Nick Of Time (1995) United States Of Poetry (TV series) (1995) Don Juan DeMarco (1994) Ed Wood (1994) Arizona Dream (1993) Benny And Joon (1993) What's Eating Gilbert Grape? (1993) Freddie's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) Edward Scissorhands (1990) Cry-Baby (1989) 21, Jump Street (TV series) (1987-90) Slow Burn (TV) (1986) Platoon (1986) Private Resort (1985) A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984) (sad that i can name em all i know!!!) and the worst film ever made goes to: (drum role please) MEN IN BLACK!!! what a lame piece of crap that is!!! who's with me??? My T.V: Shipwrecked, Desperate Housewives, Prison Break, Lost, Eastenders, Ages and ages ago when i was at secondary school, i 'accidently' set one of my mates hair on fire! (she aint my mate no-more as u can probably tell lol) but we was all standing out side after school having a fag and u know when u hold a match down on the box and flick it and it lights as u flick it? well it landed straight on top of my mates hair! i tell ya i proper shat myself coz it went up like a bloody bonfire! hahahahaha anyways she was runnin around like a crazy mutha fukka trying to put it out, and while she was doin that all i could do was stand there in absolute histeric's, fukin rollin about on the floor laughing i was (evil cow ur probably thinkin but im nice now i swear!) so when she did finally put it out she ran off crying! i did feel bad tho when i stopped laughing... she didnt come back to school for about a month coz her hair was in a right mess! poor cow ;)

Facts about ME! ♥ ♦ ♠ ♣

[1] In my GCSE Geography exam (i was never a fan of Geography) i answered ALL the questions by writting 'only smarties have the answer' my teacher was not amused! I crack up everytime i think about it! hahahahahahaha funnily enough, i failed! lol [2] I once sold 3 oxo cubes as cannabis for £30 to some school boy's! and that makes me a great sales person! hahahahahaha (i should put that on my C.V lol) [3] In cooking class at my secondary school, the whole class had to make there own pizza, and the teacher had to eat abit of everyones pizza at the end, but coz i HATED my cookery teacher i spat on it and put loads of boggies on her bit of pizza and watched her eat it!!! hahahahaha

♥ ♦ ♠ ♣

Thank you 4 readin my profile. Fans, tags, pennies, gifts and comments welcome ;)

Hometown

Surrey...x

Occupation

Cocktail Bar @ Girraffe Restaurant...x

Relationship status

Single Pringle!...x

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