Unusual past times

I can talk the entire English language.... backwards. I used to build wigwams out of sticks and mud in the woods- I'd built a whole village of life-size huts... but someone knocked them down :-( I also used to be a "glamour" model... I was on a load of dodgy websites but never quite made it to mens mags. Shame :-)

Talents

Well, as if being able to SPEAK THE ENTIRE ENGLISH LANGUAGE BACKWARDS wasn't enough! Ok, I can also SING (or so I like to think) and I made a demo last year. It's still sitting modestly in the back of my CD cupboard, but one day- yes one day- you'll be hearing it on Radio One! ;-) I ALSO HAVE AN INCREDIBLE TALENT FOR SHOPPING- I'm in the Guinness Book of Records for most items of clothing bought in 2005. Ok, that's a lie, but I'm bloody good at it nonetheless. I LIKE PORN A LOT- I got a first when writing about it for my university dissertation. I'M ALSO VERY GOOD AT IT. Joke. Or was it? I'M ALSO A DAMN GOOD DRIVER. I have only managed to write off two cars in the whole of my (short driving) lifetime AND they WEREN'T MY FAULT- the old granny should've been looking where she was going! Oh and the other one... well it was a Fiat. And everyone knows the Italians can't make cars! Ferraris and Lambos are just pants. Not like my driving. I HAVE A NATURAL TALENT FOR BEING IMPULSIVE: HERE ARE SOME OF THE THINGS I'VE DONE ON IMPULSE: Bought a house... got a career in PR... snogged a girl... got a big loan... got naked in the toilets at work for no reason... got a pussy (cat) tatooed on my tummy... Oh, and I CAN ALSO COOK and am A MENACE IN BED. So, some might say, your ideal woman ;-) ;-) ;-)

Happiest when

High.

Most embarrassing day... EVER (beat this guys!)

One morning, far away from home.... Letting my ex handcuff me in a hotel. Unfortunately forgetting to bring the key (duh). Then having to check out of the hotel (with towel over my arms) and then get in the car and drive (yes, with handcuffs on and with great difficulty) to a police station to see if they had a key that would fit (well, I used my logic!)...After waiting around in the lobby with all the criminals and a pensioner giving me dodgy looks, I was greeted by two solemn-faced coppers who tested all their keys on me.... Unsuccessful! So, then being directed (totally crimson-faced) to the firestation to see if they could get me out... Then getting there and ringing what I thought was a doorbell of some sort... turns out i was at the wrong entrance and set off some sort of alarm, and yep, the whole street turned to have a gawp. Then being led in by a gorgeous fireman... then one by one five more firemen coming over to have a laugh (the only time in my life I have NOT wanted to be in a room with six gorgeous firemen) Then having to have them verify with the police that i was not an escaped convict. Then having them try all sorts of methods to get me out, and finally setting me free with some sort of hacksaw.... IT DOESN'T END THERE... Then finding out one of the firemen knew my mum and was at her wedding the day before. Then my whole family finding out.... not through the fireman, but by hearing about it on the radio and seeing it in the local paper. In the words of Homer Simpson, "Doh!"

Things that are going in my Room 101

Traffic (if everybody in the queue decided to go fast, at the same time, the queue would disappear, therefore traffic is pointless) People who wear a watch but are always late (did they forget to learn how to tell the time?) Members of Parliament (they're great at shouting, not so great at running the country) Insects (Ok, so they form the basis of the food chain but do they really have to appear in my bath, sink etc.) Feet (ok, so you need them to walk, but they smell, people leave dirt under the nails, they have hard skin and they look freaky. It takes me years to bring myself to look at a new boyfriend's feet) Fluff on clothes (it JUST WON'T GO AWAY)

Scared of

Tigers. Creepy crawlies.

Hometown

High Wycombe

Occupation

Public Relations Co-ordinator

Relationship status

It's complicated

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