JOKE

Perils of the Job One day an out of work mime was visiting the zoo, where he attempted to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he started to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabbed him and dragged him into his office. The zookeeper explained to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla named Sparky, had died suddenly and the keeper was worried that attendance at the zoo would fall off without him. The zookeeper offered the mime a job to dress up as Sparky until they could get a new gorilla. The mime accepted. The next morning, the mime put on a gorilla suit and entered the cage before the crowd arrived. He discovered that it was a great job! He could sleep all he wanted, play and make fun of people and he was drawing bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tired of him, and he was getting bored just swinging on tires. He began to notice that the people were paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbed to the top of his cage, crawled across a partition, and dangled from the top over the lion's cage. Of course, this made the lion furious, but the crowd loved it. At the end of the day the zoo keeper was thrilled, and even gave the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. This went on for some time, the mime kept taunting the lion, the crowds grew larger, and his salary kept going up. Then one terrible day when he was dangling over the furious lion, he lost his grip and fell. The mime was terrified. The lion gathered itself and prepared to pounce. The mime was so scared that he began to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. When no help came, and the crowd looked on in shock, the mime started screaming and yelling. "Help, Help me!" he screamed, but the lion was too quick and pounced. The mime found himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion, who was just inches away from his face when he whispered, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?" HERES ANUTHA JOKE Bob was in a terrible accident at work. Oddly, however, the only permanent damage done to him was that both of his ears were amputated. But, because he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Bob decided to invest his money in a small, but growing computer business. And, after weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him. The next day he set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Bob asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" The gentleman answered, "Why, yes. I couldn't help but notice you have no ears." Bob got very angry and threw him out. The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" And she replied, "Well, you have no ears." Bob again was upset and tossed her out. The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Bob was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" And to his surprise, the young man answered, "Yes, you wear contact lenses." Bob was shocked, and said, "That's incredibly observant, young man. How in the world did you know that?" The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with NO Freaking EARS!!!!" AND ANUTHA The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were 'protecting'. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job--if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing. On his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the collector and ask him where the money is. The guy can't communicate with them, so the mafia drags him to an interpreter. The mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?" The deaf replies, "I don't know what you're talking about." The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The hood pulls out a .38 gun and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?" The deaf man replies, "The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate." The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."

What I'd like to change about myself

nuthin i love ma self too much.......haha

Naughtiest thing I've ever done

had sex in dunstables macdonalds carpark in broad daylyte lol..........dat is da truth!

Scared of

nuthin.........

Embrassed moment.......

was wen i was havin sex with my bf at the time in his car as we had a argument with his parents and der was a knock on the window guess who it was d police lmao i nearly had a heart attack

Favourite music, movie, magazine

music hip hop, r'n'b. movies wateva makes me laugh

Hometown

luton

Occupation

stalkerette

Relationship status

single (jus got shaggin partners lol)

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