Favourite book(s)

yOU aRE wHAT u eAT... I WANT that lady 2 be bloody well knighted as she is a fuckin ledge!!! she can turn fat people slim in the shake of a fruit smoothy!!! if michelle macmamoth can do it so can u!!! i have a bit of a fat phobia ya see, im no meaning 2 sound horrible but fat people do scare me!!! i say put down those pies, leave the donoughts at the door and get a jog on!!! ha ha... i love utterly shallow reads like rupert everetts biog... its a big blast, who didnt he shag??? love it!!!! but i like deep books 2 east of eden/ broke back in the line of beauty!!! i like beautifully tragic stories!!! bring on the generation of the beautifully fragile!

daily tips 2 pass the hours

26 Things To Do In The Daytime 1. Have a look up your loft and see if there's anything that makes you feel sexy. 2. Take a bumwipe shopping and discreetly leave it at the cash-desk. 3. Drive out to the countryside and interfere with yourself in a lay-by. 4. Find a lady you fancy then follow her home. 5. Put your finger in a rubber johnny and stick it in your back bum. 6. Write a letter to the local paper complaining about dogs' mess. 7. Shave your pubes off. 8. Take photos of your neighbours without them knowing. 9. Cut a hole in your pocket and smile at people in the street while touching your pinky. 10. Do some plops in a carrier bag and tip them over your neighbour's fence when they're at work. 11. Ask a lady if you can have a look at her front bottom. 12. Shave your dog's cock and bollocks. 13. Tuck your private parts in between your legs and photograph yourself as a lady. 14. Do a bit of poo on some paper, the fold it over to make a butterfly print. 15. Get a stiffy then show it to some ladies in the woods. 16. Set up a hotmail account in your mate's name then find something mucky on the internet and send it to his mum. 17. Buy a portion of chips in the town centre and chip up a traffic warden. 18. Sit right next to someone on a near-empty bus and keep passing wind. 19. Take a polaroid of your helmet and leave it in a book in the library. 20. Join friends re-united as Nobby Nobnuts and put your job as 'looking at my ding-dong in the mirror'. 21. Wear white trousers with no pants and shit yourself in the post office queue. 22. Make sure your mum's out then have a wank in every room. 23. Tell anyone new you meet that you're a stuntman. 24. Itch your bum inside your pants then ask a policeman for directions and insist on shaking his hand. 25. Shit in a jiffy bag and send it to Fiona Phillips c/o GMTV. 26. See if you can touch your helmet with your tongue. If you can, ignore all the above.

Favourite movie(s)

Its gotta be the goonies... you know!!! love stand by me and all those 80s brat pack stuff. as 4 beaches man u got me good, bette u act and sing like a ginger godess. also a sucker 4 jurrasic park, i do an awesome raptor impression! i like arty movies 2 but i wont bore ya wit all that jazz!!!

Scared of

STINGRAYS oh my god. 2 think i touched one at the london aquarium... was i brave or just foolish? i feel lucky 2 be alive. also scared that one day ill wake up and be fat!!! i have a fat phobia. also im scared of midgets and i know thats not at all pc aand i shuldnt say it but the little dudes make me wanna cry.... specially if dressed up as a clown... ohhh scary also scared of being dead and people palying with my naked form!?

Happiest when

the bit between my balls and my bum is being stroked.... mmmmmmmmmmhhhhhh heaven. or being in love n that person loves u right back. waking up in the morning and knowing u got cuddles n someone 2 share ur morning glory with... top tip if they are asleep dont slap them on the thigh with ya man winkle 2 encourage them 2 wake and participate in the practice of love... it dont go down well!!! just enter them and hope they dont wake up. its kinda secretive and naugty and nothing like rape... (did i go 2 far?) i say sezer from big bro is innocent ur honour

My Hero carol vorderman

Carol's really beautiful and very good at sums I'd like to put my willy in her noonie or her bum She always gets the numbers right, she's got me into maths I'd take away her pants and add my corey to her gash Oh Carol When I see you on Countdown I have to pull my pants down And pop a finger in my brown When she multiplies I unzip my flies Then when she divides I put my hand inside And then when she adds, pop out my nob and nads Then when she subtracts I perform a sexual act Carol's really glamorous, she wears the latest stuff She's fit for fortysomething and I want to doink her muff She tells you the target but it is my goal To one day divide her flaps and then square root her hole Oh Carol When I see you on Countdown I have to pull my pants down And pop a finger in my brown Oh Carol When I see you on Countdown I have to pull my pants down And pop a finger in my brown I've loved Carol Vorderman since 1985 I sometimes like to lurk around the bottom of her drive I sometimes like to follow her when she goes to the shops I sometimes open up her drains and examine her plops I met her once and told her that I was her biggest fan She signed me an autograph and put it in my hand But at that point I felt a little throbbing in my gland I realised I was ejaculating in my pants Over Carol Vorderman, Carol Vorderman Carol, Carol, Carol Vorderman Carol Vorderman, Carol Vorderman Carol, Carol, Vorder-Vorder-Vorderman -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- © disco minge 2006 All Rights Reserved. it wasnt me that wrote it but it does make me laugh ha ha www.kuntandthegang.com

Hometown

greenwhich well kinda, i move about a bit. so not sure where 2 call home yet. the east end has my name all over it

Occupation

proffesional giggalo!!! leg humper... im like a naughty excited puppy!!! i bounce everywhere

Relationship status

well people had my little heart broken last year so im on the mend.... check out my dating agency and more @..... www.myspace.com/luvmydirttyconverse

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